Why is Santa fat? Because the apples are red.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How can you shed 10 pounds in one day? Get your legs amputed.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's worse than stepping on chewing gum A clown throwing bricks at orphans

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Your mother is so fat that she once ate an entire peach cobbler in one sitting and chastised herself yet again for her lack of self-control over her eating habits and her need to fill the holes in her self esteem with the short-lived gratification she gains from eating too much of the foods she finds tasty.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why can't helen keller drive? Because she is deaf and blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

After the haitian revolution, Haiti lived happily ever after, Until god smited them with a devastating natural disaster

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him? Nothing. He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What happend to the gay kid that walked into iran. He got shot and killed ????

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do a fish, a can of asparagus, a spool of thread, and a car tire have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Yo Mama so slow She can't run very fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock Knock Who's there? I don't know Then why should I care I don't know

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are red Violets are blue We cant have sex I have ED

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson? I thought you were dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't Helen Keller see or hear? She was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whats worse then the quote "Do it, hit her!" The quote "Do it, Hitler!"

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is brown and gurgles? dead baby casserole

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I now pronounce you man and lion. You may now kiss the pride.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A guy walks into a bar what does he say? OW.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you kill a 6'5 black man in a dark alley? Stab him 3 times in the appendix with a 12 inch blade.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops