A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than homework? A basket full of mutilated puppies....

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was six afraid of seven? Because chad makes babies cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You wake, and up for a second you are dazed. Then you open your eyes slowly because you are afraid of what is to come. You then remember oh right I had a sleepover at john smith's house.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Geeks have girlfriends...................... . . . I MEAN alien friends (geeks are losers and you decide your a geek or not)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the black guy say he was ridin' dirty? because its been weeks since he last took it to the coin op, he's busy working as an I.T Specialist.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blind man walks into a bar. It was a book shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the fat kid get for chirstmas? diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Most poems rhyme, But his one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two Jews are sitting in a large oven. They realize it is a dangerous place to be and get out of the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Its behind you like if you looked behind

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than 10 babies in a trashcan? One baby in 10 trashcans.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

WHAT HAS MAN BOOBS THE SIXE OF JUPITER BOMBER NEVILLE

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A mass murderer ran into a bar full of people. He first shot a man. What did the man say when the murderer shot him? Nothing, he was hit in the head and instantly died before he could say anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Where did Suzie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the worst thing that can go wrong while trying to archieve something you desperately want? -Everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Go fuck yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

So a guy says to his dog "hey man when you piss in the toilet can you please flush, just because I don't like to look at your pee." then the dog sits back and says "...woof !!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the cat in the bag? Because it's owner was abusive and put it in there.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's green and says I'm a frog? A talking frog

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is red and smells like brown feces? Bloody feces

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What body part did German prince Heinrich von Missingpenis lack? His toenail.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

(Knock knock) A:who is it? B:its the police open up where coming in B:I SAID OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR A:(SHIT)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how do you get a clown off a swing. hit it with an apple in his nuts

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops