So a woman goes to the doctor for an ultra-sound. The doctor says I have good news. The woman inquisitively replies what is it doctor, the doctor replies ; Your baby is Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock. Who's there? Robert. Robert who? Robert Anderson.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do u make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What did the kid with no arms get for christmas? A: A set of Legos

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are gray, violets are gray. I'm color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why do girls like Justin Beiber? They dont

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the pied piper eat tea half past three? Because the chicken tripped on the way across the street and the fat lady didn't sing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why is Michael Jackson bad at checkers? Cause he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a black man driving a nice luxury sedan? A man who has, surprisingly, done very well in this economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was struck by lightning and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man with a blue house wears a blue shirt and wears blue jeans. Someone from a red house with a red shirt knocks on his door. He is invited in because they are friends and both have a wonderful time.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How did the weak old man with cancer beat it? He hung himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the dog do in the phone booth? Nothing, as dog do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grip objects. The previous user must have left the door open and the dog walked in, only to leave a few moments later.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Whos there? A rapist. Go away I'm calling the police!! (The rapist then proceeds to break open the door, beat the woman repeatedly with a baseball bat, and then rapes her)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a dog riding a bicycle? An talented dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Birdie Birdie in the Sky, Left a message in my eye ... So I shot the little bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what are three short words? i a am

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what did helen keller say to the nazi? -nothing, helen keller was blind and deaf so she could never aquired the ability to speak

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats yellow and blue and green all over? the color green

thumb_up thumb_down +8

404: Anti-joke not found.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A neutron walked into a bar and asked "how much for a drink?" The bartender did not reply because a neutron is so small he didn't notice that it even entered.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what do you call someone who cant breathe? dead

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops