I went to the doctors the other day for a check up and the doctors says to me "sorry your going to have to stop wanking" and I say to him " what! Why?" and the doctor says "I'm trying to examine you".

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Did you hear about the 4'10" psychic that escaped from prison? It's on the news! "Small Medium At Large."

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A man walks into a sporting goods store and pulls out a gun. Then he returns it and leaves.

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A man walked into a bar Ouch.

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why didn't the chicken cross the road? there are no roads in factory farms.

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Q: What's worse than a dead baby? A: A dead baby with diarrhea.

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants. He is given some very strange looks from the patrons both due to the fact that he has a steering wheel in his pants and because people wearing traditional pirate garb are a rarity.

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The black man leaves the strip club.

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a fat man walks into a bar and gets laughed at because his shoes are untied

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Why did the man commit suicide? Because on top of his depression, his wife had been cheating on him and his kids all died in a horrible hand-gliding mishap.

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im a dragon, no im not

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You ever hear that joke about Helen Keller? Neither has she.

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Three decapitated children walk into a bar..... If you are laughing at this....what the hell is wrong with you?

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civil rights

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How many times can the Frenchman cheat on his wife? I don't know.

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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A man with a ski mask leaves a jewelry store He then goes back because he accidentally took the clerk's pen

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the grandmother lock her grandson in the closet? Because she didn't love him.

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A white rapper. HAHAHAHAHAHA oh ya he was muslim.

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Q: Why does an elephant have flat feet? A: From jumping out of trees

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How do you make a plumber sad? Steal his plums.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because Suzy had no arms.

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What did the business man say to the homeless person? Get a job

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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