- Anti Joke

I like the way he thinks. Too bad he has alzheimers.

Muslim athletes.

Obama.

Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

How are bananas and friends alike? If you peel their skin and eat them

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? With artillery.

knock knock who's their panda panda who shut up I never said yo name and don't call me black

What's worse than stubbing your toe? Nothing.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

No.

Yo momma so stupid when I said drinks are on the house she went and got a ladder

A retarded man speaks jibberish, because he is retarded

What is 0% sugar, 100% pure, 150% hyperbole, 90% bug-free, has 4815162342 lines of code, autonomous, is awesome, bigger than a breadbox, bread is pain, is bringin' home the bacon, classy, doesn't use the U-word, deja vu, deja vu (oh wait a moment), does barrel rolls doesn't avoid double negatives, doesn't bother with clones, Engage!, Enhanced!, Euclidean!, Excitement!, Exploding creepers, Finally complete!, finger-licking, full of stars, funky LOL, GOTY, Give Us Gordon, Indev, Ingots, and has an End? Minecraft!

My name is Harry.

A redhead walks into a hairdressing salon and asks to have her hair dyed black due to being a subject of bullying and social rudeness.

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

why was the boy sad. his father is an alcoholic that beats him daily.

What does a Chinese girl get for Christmas? New parents...

cop arrests a jew and interrogates him Jew. i aint telling you nothing cop: really cop pours a bag of coins on the table jew: thats about $7.80 cop: you can have it if you tell us what we want to know jew: ok jew: i stole the money 123

Why did the man's legs start shaking when he saw the attractive women? There was an earthquake

An asian is driving a car. He observes the speed limit and uses his turning signals while switching lanes.

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was blind and deaf which impairs the ability to register sights and sounds necessary to operate an automobile.

Why did the chicken cross the road? 24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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