- Anti Joke

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

What does a Jewish Santa Clause say? This scenario is highly improbable as Jews celebrate Hanukkah and not Christmas.

Why was the asian boy made fun of in the locker room? Because of the nipple piercing he had.

I look back at all those hours I wasted playing those stupid video games, but then I'm reminded of all those people I brutally killed.

What's worse than finding a worm in you apple? The holocaust.

Why did the bones cross the road? They didn't, the dogs ate them.

Knock knock. Who's there You are.

Who's black, white and Asian at the same time? A panda.

If Oscar Meyer had a dog, what breed would it be? A golden retriever.

A baby gets hit by a bus.

Joe Paterno walks into a police station.

What did the T-rex say to the elephant? i like bananas

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names

What's the difference between a pen and a tiger? Believe it or not they are both not a cantaloupe.

Why did 12 people die when they went to see The Dark Knight Rises movie premiere? Because they were shot and bled profusely resulting in quick, painful death.

Now Showing: EVIL SLOTHS II "The worst death is a slow death."

Why was the gay kid beaten to death Because he was also an outstanding racist and lived in a highly populated african american community.

Why did the plane crash? The pilots had brain damage.

Q: Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? A: A couple of pigs with questionable carpenter's skills, and maybe Red Riding Hood. Grandma wasn't so lucky.

Republicans

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an abosolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: A penguin in a blender.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit stumbles into a genie while coming to a clearing. The Genie says, "I will give you both three wishes." The bear thinks quickly and says, "I wish every bear in the forest was female." The Genie then grants the wish. "And...now I wish that each bear in the country was female!" The Genie grants the wish. "AND I WISH THAT EVERY BEAR IN THE WORLD WAS FEMALE!!!" the bear exclaims, now getting overly excited by his wishes. The Genie grants the last wish and then turns to the rabbit. "Your turn." The rabbit wishes for a pair of running shoes and the well being of his family and friends. For his last wish he points at the bear and says, "I wish he was gay."

There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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