Q: Who followed E.T.A Hoffman? A: ASAP Rocky. (ETA and ASAP are both time-based abbreviations, ETA meaning 'estimated time of arrival' and ASAP meaning 'as soon as possible'. Thus, ASAP can form a response to a requested ETA. Additional humour comes from the dissonant occupations of the two individuals: E.T.A Hoffman being a nineteenth century gothic author, and ASAP Rocky being a modern rapper.)

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What is black, white and red all over? Many things.

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Q: What happened to the man who died? A: Nothing, there is no afterlife.

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What is as ugly as Justin Bieber's face? Justin Bieber's face.

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A: Knock knock B: "NOOOO" A: *Comes in, sees masturbating son*

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? An ambulance.

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A dyslexic man hears a joke, and laffs.

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A frog found a smoking cigarette on the road, so he/she takes it, smokes it, and explodes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Armando masturbated

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Knock-Knock "Who's there?" "It's the police. We have a search warrant."

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What has three eyes, scales, seventeen stomachs, and can produce milk? Nothing. Nature has not yet evolved any animal to these specifications.

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This is a haiku The second line is longest Hippopotamus.

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Why did the clock say 10:30? It was a digital clock!

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"What's wrong?" "I can't fap." "Why not?" "Because I saw your face."

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What is the difference between a Mexican and an a pile of crap? One is disgusting and unsanitary and the other is a pile of crap.

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Who owns the streets of Comton The mayor

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if yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs?

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What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

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An airplane has 100 bricks on-board. If you drop one brick, how many bricks would be left? 99 -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Lion King gathered all the animals from the land to a meeting. Everyone came, except one. Who was the animal? The elephant. He's still inside the refrigerator. ------------------------------------------------------------------- You want to cross a river, but you know that there are crocodiles there. There is no bridge, vines to swing from, etc. How do you cross the river? Swim across the river. The crocodiles are at the meeting with The Lion King. ------------------------------------------------------------------- So you swimmed over the river, but how did you still die? You were hit by the brick falling from the airplane.

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Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

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What's worse than a bad anti-joke? A bad anti-joke about Skyrim What's worse than a bad anti-joke about Skyrim? The Holocaust

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You know what they say about priests with big rosaries? I don't know, it's in Latin.

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Two friends sit down to dinner, the third is late so they eat him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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