Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares what a Chicken does?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road A. Because he needed to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why were the negros at whitney houstons funeral smiling? because there were free sandwiches!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Three moose were in the middle of the road. They were then shot by a maniac hunter.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

An Irishman walks out of a pub. Just kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

This is a haiku. Not a very good haiku, But still a haiku.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the condom drive over his pet mac and cheese? Because his uncle was not george bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the street? Because it followed the trail of bird feed strewn across it.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why is Obama Care a lie? Cuz he doesn't care!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Thats impossible because he cannot walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man walks into a bar and the barenter says, "What'll it be?" The man says, "I'll take a Bud Light."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you get Vladamir Putin to smile? You tickle him.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what is the difference between jelly and jam? jelly is smoother where jam has chunks of fruit in it...... and i cant jelly my penis down your throat

thumb_up thumb_down -37

So a horse walks into a barn.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red OH SH*T MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers

thumb_up thumb_down -15

GINGERVITIS! 1. redhair 2.freckles 3.no soul 4.depression/anger 5.gay JLR

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

An old man gets into a van with two little boys. They are his grandsons.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

:3

thumb_up thumb_down +507

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops