Why couldn't Jimmy breathe? He had a knife in his throat!

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What's funny about black people? The fact that they are all in prison for not being visible at night time.

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Why'd the girl commit suicide? Because Justin Bieber admitted he was gay.

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What did the girl with no hands get? Gloves.

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What's worse then breaking your xbox? Going on a 24 kill streak and having itchy balls.

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Why did the car slow down? Becuase the driver pressed the break

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How do you get a black man off a swing? ask him.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed as a clown.

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"Hey look, mommy! I'm a whale!" (child proceeds to pull a shotgun and create a blowhole in his head)

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james hedge is gay did you know if you look at him you turn gay

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Jesus. Jesus who? You're going to hell.

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Why did the man not open his door to the trick or treaters? He was a sex offender and it was illegal for him to open it...

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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Dislike if you are gay (watch how many dislikes this joke gets :P)

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police. There was a severe accident not long ago. Your family are dead.

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There once was the worlds most important people on an airplane. All of them. They were a Boy Scout with a hiking pack, World's Oldest person, World's Smartest person, a Scientist who had the cure to cancer, and the World's Richest man. The Pilot told them that the plane was running out of gas and they would have to bail. But there was a problem, two people were going to have to die. They were only two parachutes short. So the Scientist grabbed one and said, "I'm the only one with the cure to cancer I've got lives to save." And he bails. Then the World's oldest person jumps out with a parachute saying, "I Still Have A Life To Live!!!" Then the Richest person realizes there is two parachutes left. He says, "I have the most money so I have to go because I could save America from going bankrupt." Grabs a chute and jumps. Then, the world's smartest person just happens to be so selfish and bails with the last Parachute. So the Pilot and and the Boy Scout were left. The pilot was kind enough to let the Kid go because he still had he longest life to live. But the kid said no, we could both go. The pilot said no you go. The kid was still being stubborn. And said No, we could both go, The world's smartest person took my back pack, there is one chute left, we could share it. And so they both jumped and landed safely on the ground. And that was the end of the World's smartest man.

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There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "It sure is hot in here". The other muffin says, "Yeah like 350, 375".

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A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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What's worse than being forced to drink your own urine and eat a disabled kids poop? James Holmes (Ironic that the text I had to type in to post this was "I'M BATMAN".)

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What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Quality control or some other function.

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what the difference between matthew and a retard? The retard can do math

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't make for a very good accountant.

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Why did I deleted brian from my friend list ? Cuz he had brain tumor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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