What do you do when a elephant is sitting on your fence? You hit it with a fridge

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A man walks out of a bar followed by the people he came with because they just announced "last call". The man is the designated driver for the night.

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What did the headless man say? Nothing. The man can't speak because he doesn't have a head.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a cheetah? A fictional animal.

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What do the Chinese call ping pong? Ping pong.

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Penis.

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69

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What do you get when you cross and unicorn with a loaf of bread? Cantaloupe

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A sheep walks into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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What do you call an Indian cook, that cooks in a Chinese restaurant? A chef

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Why is your face? Because.

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Me:I talk to myself to much. Me:Same

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Whats even funnier than watching two black guys with guns attempting to shoot people Just about everything

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How do you confuse a blonde? You ask her a question.

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Q. Why can’t a teacher lift weights? A. Because, most teachers are women and most women do not enjoy It.

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Why did the people thumbs-up the anti-joke? Because I threatened them with A GUN

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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What did the man say to his wife? We are both men. Apart from you.

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Why are so many children obese? Because they eat to much and they are not physically active enough

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An englishman, irish-man and a scotsman walk into a bar. Englishman orderds a pint of becks, Irishman a guiness and the Scot a whiskey. Everything is absolutely fine and nothing of even remote interest happens.

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An elephant and a llama walk into a bar. Realizing that they must have broken out of the local zoo, all of the people run out of the bar screaming.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Mexicans are like waffles

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I believe that as long as we do not change, as we decide to believe in ourselves and use our strength and potential, all that is left, is to see which side fate favors. Maybe we are meant to survive trough our strength and belief in ourselves and each other, or maybe we are, or will eventually end up as the last people of our kind, and fade away from life, proving that those that trust in the corrupt, where better than us. Suddenly I feel so alone.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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