Why do you always find a dead baby in the last place you look? Because once you've found it, you stop looking.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

girls basketball

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I like my coffee like I like my women..... Without Hepatitis.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Charlotte fall off the swing? She got hit in the face with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Johnny got hit by a bomb. Where is he now? Everywhere. Knock knock. (Who's there?) Not Johnny

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you make bread out of corpses? You don't. You grow it with bread seeds.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the pornstar do after the film shoot? Called her parents and said she had a good day at work as a receptionist at a law firm. She is too ashamed to admit her real profession to them. She then cried profusely.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

a chicken walks into terry's house he penetrates himn

thumb_up thumb_down +11

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? - No.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Once there was a rich man who lived in a castle on a hill. One fine morning who awoke and decided to go downstairs to make a cup of tea. As he switched on the kettle, he realised he had no tea bags, and so, went to the local shops to buy some – but when he arrived back, his magnificent castle had been burnt down to the ground. The man, obviously shocked, looked around in hope for some evidence as to who would commit this awful crime, but he saw nothing, apart from a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance and they give him a mansion. One morning in the man’s fine mansion, he decided he wanted a nice cup of tea, so went downstairs, discovered he had no teabags, went to the shop to purchase some and came back to find his mansion was no more than a pile of ash. Once again he looked around and saw nothing other than a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance for a second time and they give him a normal house. One morning in the man’s normal house, he feels the need for a cup of tea. But has no teabags, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to find his normal house has burnt down. In the distance a little green man is running away. Insurance give the man a small cottage. And one morning in this small cottage, the man goes downstairs to make a cup of tea, but once again he has no teabags. Off to the shops he went to buy some but discovered, as he approached his cottage on the way home, that it had been burnt down. He looked around to see the now familiar sight of a little green man running off into the distance. Insurance give him a caravan. One morning in the caravan, the man discovers, while attempting to make a cup of tea, that he has no teabags. So, naively, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to his caravan to find it burnt down. He looked up and saw a little green man running off into the distance. The now annoyed insurance company give the man a tent. One sunny morning in the man’s tent - he feels the need for tea, but has no teabags; he goes to the shop to buy some and arrives back at his tent to find a little green man holding a can of gasoline and some matches. The man asks: “are you the one who has been burning down all my houses?” And the little green man replies: “No.”

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you confuse Helen Keller? You don't. She's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A young boy walks into a bar and asks for directions or a map. The bartender takes him into a backroom and gives him a map he just happened to have. The boy continues on his way and the bartender is happy that he did a good deed.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what do a parrot and a hippo have in common? i want to kill every non white human being!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man walks into a bar. After several hours of drinking and loud unintellegable outbursts to those around him, the man wonders off to a nearby bus stop and relieves himself. He is now a registered sex offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats something really annoying? A guy who presses enter too much. hehe

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two guys go hunting and one of them aims the sniper at the other guy's house and says "I see your wife's cheating on you again with another man" he replies "I've had it with her, shoot him in the privates and shoot her in the mouth" the friend says "I'll get that in one shot".

thumb_up thumb_down +9

theres a giant burning orb in the sky and it can burn your flesh, it can give you diseases, it can kill you, looking directly at it causes physical pain, and we all think this is okay. we like this orb. we like to go outside and lie around on our backs when this orb is in the sky. children draw cute pictures of this levitating death orb with a smiley face on it. what is wrong with us

thumb_up thumb_down +9

i put the STD in S.T.u.D all i need is U!!! F_CK all i need is U!!!!!!! o.0 lolzzz

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the farmer say when he lost his cow? Where's my wife?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? It depends on what his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock knock. Who's there? Frank. Frank who? Cut the shit, I'm being chased by a tiger!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops