How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke her face

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What's better than being in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? Neigh

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What did the farmer say to the survivor of the plane crash that just crashed on his land? "Need a band-aid?"

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Q: what happed to the squirrel that lost his nuts? A: it died

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey

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What happens when you drop a baby? It falls.

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What's 9 plus 10? 19

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Where did Susie go in the bombing? Nowhere. Susie is the bomber.

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What's sad about 2 black men driving off a cliff? They were my friends.....

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Why did the woman cross the road? She didn't. They are no roads in the kitchen.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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What's funnier than slapping a girl? Calling the cops on the person who slapped her.

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Nippies

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: A penguin in a blender.

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Why was the little boy afraid of Mr.Clean? Because he reminded him of his father who was an alcoholic and used to beat him savagely.

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A Jew! Bless you.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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What do you call a woman with a black eye and several cuts on her face? The police and perhaps a social help hotline. She now feels safer and more secure and will go on to lead a happy life thanks to you speaking out on her behalf.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple Not the holocaust

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf kid? He didn't either.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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