What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A nugget

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Q: What do you do when your friend tells you he murdered someone? A: Call the police.

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An Irishman, a homosexual and a Jew walk into a bar. Paddy's really exploring his options lately.

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What is the best thing about dating a slut? You can return her at Build-a-Hoe Workshop.

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What did the janitor have for breakfast? Food

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Why did 0 dislike 1? Because 1 made 0 feel like he was nothing

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There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he swallowed his shoe. But it turns out his dream was real, and he died because he could not digest a whole shoe.

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What makes fat kids laugh? Jokes.

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Man: I'm just popping out to get cigarettes (He never returns.)

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knock, knock come in

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The Holocaust.

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What eats McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner, annoys everyone around them, and could care less about anyone but themselves? The population of the United States.

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Chuck Norris is an average human being!

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road To get to your house Knock knock: whos there? The chicken duh

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Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

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A panda bear walks into a bar. The bartender then alerts the zoo of the whereabouts of their missing panda.

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I was bitter, nonetheleast because you and I became friends, while someone working for you (at that time it might just as well had been you) was conducting a lot of illegal activities. I kept thinking, why does the guy call himself "the wizard", its the most used name... Why? Because it is the most used name, good luck finding "THE WIZARD" among internet nerds, but then again, if you search for the most famous one, you find "THE MAN", Not only did you tell me at first that you where Nero. Which I can prove you are not, but you know, one side of me was your friend, the other knew I would have to get rid of you no matter the cost, if you kept your activities. SImply put: When I enjoyed our time together, I pushed you away with stupid humor, small insults and etc, mostly in order to protect myself from getting to close with a potential threat for well, security, lets keep it at that.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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If Africa had more mosquito nets, millions, MILLIONS of mosquitoes would die for hunger.

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What is more funny than an anti joke? A real joke.

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What do a woman and a female dog have in common? They were both annoying so I put them down.

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they've may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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what do you call a man with three eyes and eleven fingers? his name

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops