Why did Hitler kill the Jews? He didn't, the people he told to kill them did.

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Why did Timmy fall off the swing? Because he was dead

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how do you make a plumber cry kill his family

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A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

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Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

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What word is ten letters long and starts with gas? Gastronomy.

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Want some candy? Lol jk get in my van.

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Knock Knock.. Who's There? Boo.. Boo Who? Book...

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A man walks into a bar. What does he say? Ouch!

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What did the rapist say to the woman? "If you tell anyone I'll kill you!"

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Why was the cook arrested? Tax evasion.

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whats softer than a furry blanket an indian

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because seven, eight, nine.

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Why are asians such bad drivers? Cause they constantly have their eyes closed.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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Why did nobody answer when billy knocked on the door? The door was a loaf of bread.

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Why wasn't the turkey hungry on thanksgiving? Because it was dead!

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I am a dog

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what did the girl who's father was murdered do at her wedding? not have a father daughter dance.

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Roses are Red Toilets are Blue Get out of Me way I Need to POO!

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What do you have if you have a green ball in your right hand and a green ball in your left hand? Two green balls.

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What did the heart surgeon say to the brain surgeon? We are both surgeons

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A platypus walks into a bar, and was the only mammal in the building capable of laying an egg.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Anne Frank

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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