Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted. You're adopt...wait what?

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So, a bulldozer rolls into a bar, there is no bar now.

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Two men walk in to a bar, one buys a beer. The second receives a phone call and leaves.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your family is dead, I killed them.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? nothing cows cant talk. They did however, exchange glances while chewing grass next to each other.

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How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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how many aliens does it take to change a light bulb? i wouldn't know, i have never seen one and there is the off chance that they don't even exist

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what did the black guy say to his pregnant wife? im very excited to see our newborn child.

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Why do immigrants move to the UK? To seek a better life

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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knock knock whos there? knock knock whos there knock knock you final decide to open the door to find a deaf man needing directions.

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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What is the difference between a black guy and a road? One you put tar on and the other one is a road

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The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

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What is worse than spending time with in-laws? Nothing.

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Q:If pigs ever played basketball, then what sound would they make? A:Oink-oink

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why are asians eyes so slanted? because THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY!!!

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Who likes to be fisted? Sock puppets.

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Justin Bieber is a good singer.

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Not sure, its just a really rare combination, people tell me stuff like "oh they are really bright brown" like hell they are, I mean sorry but the hell they are. I prefer it the way you say it, they are red, really really red, and you do not say it as if I had something to be ashamed off.

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How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how big the lightbulb is

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Why was the mexican being lazy? Because he lead a very successful life and retired early and now can enjoy the luxury of the finer things in life.

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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Want to get shot? Go to Virginia Tech. Too Soon?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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