Who has killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, and Jack Kevorkian combined? Mr. Rogers

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q: What did the man say before he was stabbed? A: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What is purple and crawls? A wounded grape.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A funny joke: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What is the difference between a mustache, and a pile of dead babies? Mustaches disgust me.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dog

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Your social life

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did Taylor say to the other Taylor? Hi, my name is Taylor

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What is worse than spending time with in-laws? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Cashier: Have a nice day sir! Grumpy man: Don't tell me what kind of day to have ya fruit!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What kind of coins to you find at the bottom of the ocean? Wet coins.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock Knock Who's There? Robin Robin Who? Robin Williams Whoa, too early bro

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

In Soviet Russia, millions of innocents died due to the oppression.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the black guy, the latino guy, and the asian guy all have in common? They were all human beings

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is blue too

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's worse than stepping on chewing gum A clown throwing bricks at orphans

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How old is your mom? Old.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why is Billy in a ditch? He stepped on a landmine and was promptly burst into many pieces. The ditch was coincidental.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops