How do you get a one armed man to fall out of a tree? Wave.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What is brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why did the Monkey Fall out of the tree? ..It was dead..

thumb_up thumb_down -38

A worm slowly crawled through the ground, only to be eaten by an incoming bird.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A tragedy worse than 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

why am i so pretty? because god blessed me with good looks

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Two hillbillies are sitting in a van. It's friday and one of them suggests they should play a game of 20 Questions. The other one agrees. The first hillbilly thinks of the word 'donkey dick'. - Is it something you can eat? the second hillbilly asks. - Yes, the first one replies. - Is it a donkey dick? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh wait i screwed up, Because of u

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Roses are black, violets are black, we are all black Shit i'm colour blind

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Why did the man laugh when he saw someone using a shake weight? He remembered Dane Cook's stand up preformance from the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Your mother is so stupid that she has trouble discerning certain facts from fiction.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Your mama's so fat she can't have children.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

How does one peel a potato? First I would suggest going to your local grocery store, and purchasing a vegetable peeler (although, in fact, the potato is not considered a vegetable). Once at home, I recommend disinfecting it of germs. Unless you already own a vegetable peeler, in which case I would simply peel the potato as every normal human would.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 raped and murdered 8.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

knock knock who's there? a murder who? a murder who kills you and your family.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

What happened when Aladdin rubbed his lamp? It got slightly cleaner.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why is there milk on the stairs? Did the cow leak again?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

A man walks outside on a sunny day. Since the sun was very bright, he put on a pair of sunglasses. While this was going on, nothing else really happened and he went on with his day as usual.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

A guy in a truck delivering furniture runs over a frog. Concerned for the frog, he pulls over and runs back to the frog and asks "Are you ok?" The frog replies "Yeah, you want to buy a cupboard?"

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What is black, has either black or yellow stripes, and cannot climb trees? A parking lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why couldn't little Sally talk? Someone stapled her tongue to wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops