Roses are red,Lemons are sour,Open your legs and give me an hour

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What do you call a car with no wheels or engine? Immobile

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A Black man, a Mexican, and a Midget, get in a car. They drive to the county fair and get snow cones and have a really fun time.

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How many one does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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When's the right time to join reality? Right now! Get off your computer!

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Hey man have you ever seen Stevie Wonders house? ... Neither has he

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Bob:well Joe, its been tough latley, I hats my life Joe: I don't give a tuck, ur retarded, you have never had any friends and I am sure that the school will have a pep fest when u hang ur self in ur bedroom. So go now! I don't know why u even r talking to me and I don't know why I am responding

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A Guy walks into a Bar, has a good time and leaves

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Why do women get pregnant? Beacuse it hurts and they deserve it.

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Knock knock Get off my porch.

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Q: What's better than ice cream? A: Two ice creams! Q: What's better than 2 ice creams? A: Still two ice creams!

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Why wasn't the turkey hungry on thanksgiving? Because it was dead!

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, it is a fairly common occurrence in Australia and normal process is carried out of evacuating the premises and calling animal control to deal with the situation.

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They finally get to Florida and they see a sign that says "Disneyworld: left" so they turned around and went home

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what did the little boy say to little girl? I shit bricks.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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What is smelly and sticky A poo

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Did the Chicken cross the road? No the road moved the chicken across.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't like anyone who is not a straight, white male.

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What do you call a man that goes to work every day to provide for his family? A spoon

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Orange" "Oh, hey."

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? Look out there's a bus in front of you

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What's the difference between urinating on Lady Gaga and the american flag? It would be wrong to urinate on the American flag.

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mat: whats 2+2? emma: how long we lasted

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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