How do you kill half the population of Mexico? A preemptive nuclear strike.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A family of aristocrats walks into a talent agency and shows their performance. The talent agent asks: "How do you call yourselves?" They say: "The Aristocrats", "because that's what we are; Aristocrats."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Yor Mama is soooooooooooo fat, when she looked in da mirror... it cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What is the difference between a mustache, and a pile of dead babies? Mustaches disgust me.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Guess what these words are: boo_s p_n_s _ _ ndom s_x fu_k wan_er Answers: books,pants,random,six,funk,wander.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why did the truck crash into a tree? cause staplers dont know how to drive

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Little Jimmy was afraid, and didn't like Santa Claus. So one Christmas Eve, he poured rat poison in Santa's milk. Little Jimmy no longer has parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't the little pirate see the movie? His dad had just died in a freak accident on the boat. He was going to the funeral that day. Life as a pirate isn't at all as it seems. Little Jimmy the pirate, had nothing. He had no family. His mother dead already, his sister and brother refusing to speak to him because he ran off to be a pirate with his father. Clearly, he had no idea what he was getting into, because his father was gone. What was he to do now? He had no one to go to. The ship mates were all either completly insane or never sober. That very night, Jimmy took the pistol off the ship captian and shot himself point blank in the head. Little Jimmy is in a better place now. With his mother and father. In a place where he cant be harmed any more. I miss you Jim <3. ~ Jack Sullivan

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Eine blonde Frau mit ihrem Sohn in Walmart, da sie die Lebensmittel-und Getränkebereich zu nähern, sehen sie ein mexikanischer Mann Blick in die Eier. Der Mann bittet um Hilfe aus der blonden Frau über die Qualität von Eiern. Sie sagt, ABD Eggs sind die besten, so dass die mexikanischen Kerl entscheidet, dass. Beim Verlassen des kleinen Jungen zeigt auf den Mexikaner Jungs Hut und ruft: "Aliens!" die Mutter bekommt wirklich peinlich und ruft ihren Sohn für sein Verhalten und sagt, es ist nicht richtig. Die Mutter wird erleichtert, dass sie sagen, dass die mexikanischen Kerl konnte nicht hören, da er Musik hören. Auf dem Weg aus der Mutter entdeckt einen violetten Flüssigkeit tropft aus der mexikanischen Jungs Haar. Sie fragt ihn, und er antwortet "Sein das Haargel". Die Blondine und Sohn nickt und setzt auf ihr Leben

thumb_up thumb_down +27

person 1: Did you hear about the black man that went to college? Person 2: no i haven't Person 1: either have I What's ironic is that they are both black

thumb_up thumb_down +27

knock knock who's there? Barbra Streisand Barbra Streisand who? Barbra? Streisand whoo oo oooo oo oo oo ooo ooo!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't the blonde drive? Because she was 14, thus incapable of having a drivers license

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? You're in-laws. Bet you wish I said banana

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family of four.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is blind and is therefore ineligible for a driver's license.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Call or text this number and say whatever 863-670-1547 or you can mail things to his house 252 village crest court lakeland florida 33809

thumb_up thumb_down +25

whats 2+2? 4

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Ask me if I'm a giraffe Are you a giraffe? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Thats impossible because he cannot walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

how do you get a taco? Buy one!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Chinese food tastes so oriental sometimes, sort of like asian food

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had escaped from a KFC slaughterhouse, and proceeded forward to avoid getting caught. However, the chicken did not consider the childhood lectures off his parents about crossing the road safely, and got ran over by a black Golf GTI, and died instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops