What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa is a jolly Christmas figure that delivers presents to children and Tiger Woods is a professional golfer.

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What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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What was the little boy doing in the deep end of the swimming pool? Drowning.

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knock knock. Who's there? Jehovah's witness. *Door Locks*

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Guess What? What? Get in the van.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

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Roses are red Violets are blue who are you kidding, violets are violet

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A blind man walks into a bar

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Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Im Really Stoned And you have met with a terrible fate haven't you?

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Whats the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.

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What is the different between a blonde and a rock? nothing.

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How do you kill a dinosaur? You don't. It's already dead.

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What's funnier than a rock. A funny rock.

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Frog-why did the chicken cross the road Chicken-dont judge me...

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The Holocaust

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why did Patrick cross the road Because he saw a rock

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Hey, look under there! Under what?

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Traveling Salesman.

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Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

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How many cows does it take to swim on land? 4.2

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whats the difference between a joke and the holocaust? ...There both funny..Exept for the Holocaust.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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