A blind man walks into a bar....and a chair....and a table....and a wall....and a person... etc.

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Contrary to popular statement, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade," you technically can't do this because of the need for water and sugar to make lemonade. Secondly, life can't technically hand you lemons because life isn't a physical thing that can hand you lemons. So really, you don't even have to worry about the second two ingredients.

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roses are red violets are blue i have deep vein thrombosis .... perpendicular albatross

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"Media Zombies" Sounds like the Nero I remember.

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Why didn't the baby cry? It was stillborn.

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What is white, wet, sticky, and gets squished out? Glue obviously, wait.... What were you thinking of?

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Don't think of granny porn

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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Hickory Dickory Dock mother is a whore

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what do you call a middle eastern man on a plane? a passenger.

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A man walks into a bar what does he say Ouch

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What is the funny thing about suicide? nothing...

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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what did your mum say when she ran into chuck norris? hello chuck norris

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Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

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A Mexican walks into an all white people bar. He then proceeds to buy rounds for everyone in the bar. Everyone thanks the mexican and everyone gets back to doing their own thing.

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Q. What's the difference between a movie star and a manikin? A. Nothing.

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What's the difference between red hair and black hair? Redheads vs. blackheads

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A jew go out of a bar

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Whats the differance between a preist and acne? Acne dosent cum on your face untill your 12

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What did the dead man say at his own funeral? Nothing, he's dead...

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what do you get if you cross a cat with a cat? kittens.

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Q: Whats worse than 8 babies in one bin? A: 1 babies in 8 bins

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because it had no arms. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it had no legs. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Because its not suppost to be in the tree. Why did susy fall off her bike? Because she was hit by 2 monkeys and a refrigerator!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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