What did Jeff say to the guy who stole his car? Can I have my car back.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

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what did the banana say to the apple i dont know because bananas dont talk

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Why did the mom go to jail? She committed infanticide. lol.

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- Ask me if I'm a firetruck. - Are you a firetruck? - No.

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Ken: Your dog is sick, he needs to see a vet. Megan: Omg, what is it? Ken: It's a medical person who treats animals.

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What did the Polar Bear say when he slid off the iceberg? Radio

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What's green and if it falls out of a tree it kills you? A pool table.

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knock knock 'who's there?' 'just open the door'

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Yo mama's so fat that when she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease she was given 10 years to live.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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do you like fishsticks? yes they are quite delicious

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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Why did the boy miss the school bus? He died in his sleep

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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Why do policemen wear belts? To hold up their pants.

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What did the cat say to the dog? "Meow."

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

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What comes to mind when you say the word "Mind?" Your Mind

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World Peace

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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There were two muffins in an oven one muffin said, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin said, "AHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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