Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she heard there would be quaffles!

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Why did tigger look in the toilet? Because he dropped his phone fell in.

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A man orders 3,687 bricks. He gets 3,688 bricks delivered to him. He throws the extra brick in the air. Ok, so a man is smoking a cigar by a woman with a small poodle. They are both in a plane. The woman asks the man if he could get rid of the cigar because the smoke is making her dog turn green. The man refuses. In anger, she throws the cigar out of the window. The man gets angry and throws the poodle out the window. What lands in the poodles mouth when it's falling? The brick.

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How many dead babies can you fit into a bathtub? 17

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Knock Knock Who's There? Orange What? Orange Who the hell are you and what do you want? Orange I am calling the police if you do not get off my doorstep in 5 seconds you a$$hole

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the guy below me is gay

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How did Jonny die We don't know he was never found

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Why can't helen keller skii? Because she's dead

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Why Can't Asian women drive? a: Cause they are chink assholes who have only peripheral vision

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? One if part of the four main food groups, and one is not.

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Whats purple and fluffy? Purple Fluff

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roses are red, violets are purple, sugar is sweet, and so are... hmmm...

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Why did the baby cross the road? It doesn't matter. He was hit by a bus.

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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My aunt used to say slow and steady wins the race she died in a fire

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A sick patient asks a doctor, "will i be able to play my guitar?" The doctor replies, "of course you will be able to". "Good because that is my only form of income", says the patient.

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Why did the man take off all his clothes? He was going to take a shower.

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what do you call a sock that is no longer white a dirty sock

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito (from the Spanish or Portuguese word for little fly) is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat). Mosquitoes resemble crane flies (family Tipulidae) and chironomid flies (family Chironomidae), with which they are sometimes confused by the casual observer. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapiens (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans.

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See you ******* dogface! All right? You're a compulsive *********** sit on that swivel! Stop swearing!

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Did you hear that joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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Two drums and a cymbal fall down a cliff. Ba-dum pssh.

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There once was a man from Bangkok, who hated limericks.

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How did the semen cross the road I put on the wrong sock this morning

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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