What did santa claus say when he saw a girl standing on the corner? Ho Ho Ho... ;)

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This is'nt a joke but like if it pisses you off when people comment on there own joke pretending to be someone else.

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Two drunk men were in a bar fight, they smashed beer bottles on each others heads and walked away because it hurt.

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what do you call cheese that isn't yours? cheese.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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What did the burn victim get for Christmas? A book of matches

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in her toilet with the handle greased.

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Why did the woman drop her baby? she had a stroke.

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so he says "aaahhh". then i threw a fridge at him

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ROSS G IS OBESE

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How big is Justin Bieber's penis? 10 inches, and its in his ass, and its actually Usher's penis

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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So there is 10 Nazis and a monkey the rest doesn't matter but i farted...

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What do you call a bird with wings? Redundant.

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How is the difference between a door? Its a chicken, because they don't have wheels.

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Guy 1: there is this really funny knock knock joke. Ok you start. Guy 2: knock knock Guy 1: who's there Guy 2: umm what? I don't know

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

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Did you know every 46 seconds somebody commits suicide Thumbs up for pancakes!

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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