What's black, over twelve inches long, and has a hard time fitting in tight spaces? my double stroller.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call two guys hanging by your window? Kurt and Rod

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the old man say? Nothing he was so old he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Timmy heard that Red Bull gives you wings. He drank one and waited. No wings. He drank another and waited. No wings. Timmy drank 3 cases of Red Bull trying to get wings. Timmy died. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A dog walks into a bar and falls on his butt beacause dogs cant walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "How did you lose your arm?" The amputee doesn't respond because he has been deaf and mute since birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A man comes home from the office, walks inside and hangs up his coat and hat at the door. He walks into the kitchen to find his wife has not made dinner instead she is drinking with friends, she tells him that she would have made dinner but she didnt want to. Furious, the man storms to the door, grabs his coat and leaves... He gets in his car and drives down to the pub. Sitting there drinking his beer, trying to calm down he finds a peice of paper tucked into his coat pocket, he unfolds it and reads it. It turns out to be a memo he wrote to remind himself at work that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do Jews, Jehovah's Witnesses, Slavs, Gays, and Retards have in common? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? SOL.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

what do you do if you wake up at midnight and your tv is floating? -call the police because you caught a burgler in the act of stealing your tv

thumb_up thumb_down -34

the your face joke

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant? A- Don't be ridiculous purple elephants don't exist

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -46

what is brown and sticky? a stick

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Whats helped us not be mad at Osama Binladen. His death.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Have you seen the size of their fingers!?!?!

thumb_up thumb_down +61

what do you call a martial arts instructor with a medical degree who's name is Richard? Craig... just kidding, Richard

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

How do black people gain access to houses? Through the front door.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you call a bay that got run over by a train? Thomas

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? a boyscout comes back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I soaked it in the blood of small children.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did Rose throw the clock out the window? Because she's a moron.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops