what do you get when you mix a bever and a racoon? A bevecoon!

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How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

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Stevie wonder walks across the road without looking both ways.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You have AIDS, I'm very sorry

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Why did the dog bark? Who knows, dogs bark for many reasons unknown to humans.

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What do you call someone who is blind and deaf? Dumb.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater

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Justin Bieber

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What do you get when you combine High Fructose corn syrup. sunflower oil, carbohydrates, and water. How the heck should I know!

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Jeff" "Jeff who?" "Jeff Johnson" "From the office?" "No I work at the dehli" "The one on 6th avenue?" "No, the one on Park." "What do you want?" "Could you open the door?" "No, I don't know you" "Isn't this Mr. Walter's house?" "No, my name is Roger Stevens" "I'm sorry I must be at the wrong house" "What address are you looking for?" "15322 N Gary street" "This is 15323 N Gary" "Oh I'm sorry" "Try knocking across the street" "Thank you"

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Why did Doris want to father children? Because she wanted to have a fry-up with the leftover baby oil

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You wanna know something that's totally out of this world? The moon

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yo mamas so fat, she started working out

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What's black, white, and red all over? A white man's bleeding cancerous tumor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What is the best way to put out a fire? Stop, drop and have an orgy.

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I pissed myself the other day in Harrods when I saw a Somalian boy run up to a curtain saying mummy.

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What do you get a black guy when he is hungry? Something edible.

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Q: What did the anorexic girl do for thanksgiving? A: Nothing, she was paralyzed from a fall 2 days prior and nobody had found her yet.

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Why did Doris fall down the stairs? Because she was a stupid, uncoordinated old hag with no control over her bladder.

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Communism

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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Why was the black man shot, He resisted against a highly political challenger. Unfortunately for him the Armenian politician was not a very nice guy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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