Why did the blind man commit suicide? Cause his wife was so ugly he went blind and become depressed a shot himself...twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What's your name? You tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

A man has 72 cookies, he eats 64 of them. What does he have left? Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems, nice tits

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What do you say to the man with lopsided balls? I am terribly sorry, your condition has most certainly left you socially alienated and confused.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Where was Susie when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why was the woman poor at driving? Because she had not yet passed her driving test.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings? A: An elephant between two buildings, and the question of how the elephant got there

thumb_up thumb_down +42

two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

The chicken came before the egg. Because eggs are an unborn chicken, and it is impossible for an unborn chicken to ejaculate.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

World Peace

thumb_up thumb_down +34

An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A Mexican, A Jew and a Irishman walk into a grocery store...The Mexican buys some bread, the Jew buys some bread... and the Irishman buys some bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Do you want to hear a joke? Yes? Well that's probably why you came to this site.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How do you find Nemo? Watch the movie.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's the difference between people who make dead baby jokes and people who don't make dead baby jokes? I don't avoid eye contact with people who don't make dead baby jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How many rats live in a llamas stomach? the cats pajamas

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops