Your mom is so fat, she has diabetes.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why did the mexican cross the road....... To find work so he can support his starving family

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Yo mama so fat she died

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whats the best way to burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner there is no god and everybody hates you.

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what do you call a dog? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

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Whoa! A talking carrot!

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the blonde choked o a gummy bear. What happened next? she went to the hospital

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Why did the horse fall over? Because I shot it

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Women's rights.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because the light was green

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Tacos

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if it takes skill to trip over a flat surface, i have no skill...

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What's (333x4)-198+(456x100,432)-10+5? Bet ya said i don't know! I don't either.

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whats the oposite from anti-jokes? uncle-jokes. LOL

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Why do white people wear black shirts? Why do black people wear white shirts?

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What did the lighthouse say to the tree? Nothing because they are both unatimate objects and cannot speak

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When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris

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womans rights

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what are three words that are never used together in the same sentence ...... salid taste good

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My friend said that onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him with a watermelon.

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Q: What did Helen Keller say to the bartender? A: "I would like a bud lite please" it was a different Helen Kellar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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