Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Wanna hear a joke? Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

why can't the black man get a job? The economy is suffering and unemployment rates are at an all time high

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Is your refrigerator running? Because your dad just hung himself

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A man walks into a bar, orders a few drinks and becomes drunk. the bartender calls a taxi and the man is driven home.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A man witnessed a car crash. He was traumatized

thumb_up thumb_down +39

q: whats fat hairy and always eats mcdonalds a playboy model i lied about everything

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Knock Knock? Whos there? akward neighbor. akward neighbor who?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's the opposite of fly? To not fly

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A businessman walks out of a store with his new haircut he was bald.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Knock Knock Who's There? Bad-mannered Bad-mannered who? F*ck Off

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why was the asian guy's eyes slanted? Your question is a very valid one that most people often wonder, but never really ask. It's called an epicanthal fold...please, NOT "slanted eyes". Many people consider this to be a derogatory description of the descendents or those of Eastern Asia (as do I, being half Korean), but most people are unaware of this and say it anyway. I'll assume you didn't know this. :) The epicanthal fold (what we have) is something that all babies are born with, but those who may not be of Eastern Asian origin will eventually lose. The purpose of this "fold" is to protect the eyes from extreme sunlight and cold weather. Most people of the this part of Asia originated in Mongolia where the weather conditions were very cold and harsh. Also, with most of this population, you'll notice that there exists some extra padding below the eyes as well. With all that white snow and the sunlight reflecting off of it, don't you think with time our bodies would develop some sort of defense for one of our most valued senses--our sight? It makes sense, doesn't it? Also, notice, that the farther south you travel in Eastern Asia the "rounder" the eye gets (their is less evidence of the epicanthal fold), since the climate gets warmer the farther south you go. Evolution, baby. So, Eastern Asian eyes are NOT really slanted. They just appear to be. Instead they just have that extra fold above the eyes that make them appear "thinner", if you will. If you want to sound halfway intelligent, please don't use the description "slanted eyes" anymore, since this will only make you seem like somewhat of a bigot (racist). (You might say it around the wrong person one day.) Sorry, but I'm just trying to give you some good advice. I hope I helped.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive? A:Because she is a woman A: She is blind deaf and dumb A: No seriously because she is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's worse than getting raped? Getting raped twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the man say to his wife before they went to bed? Goodnight.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

He do you get an emo kid to stop cutting himself? Take away his knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's bigger than a whale and has no water? Africa.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

jess is a drama queen am i right rishi ?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock. F uck off.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did I say when I fell of THEEeEeeeeeeee...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why didn't the chicken cross the road... Because he got hurt last week while crossing the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

The economy sucks. REM broke up. A man killed himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops