What is the difference between a baby and a tampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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What do you call a mexican without a lawn mower? .....unemployed

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he lost his grip on the branch and was unable to reach another before reaching the ground.

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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What's green and eats rocks? A green rock-eater.

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What did the guy who speaks in tongue say to the other guy who speaks in tongue? Gibberish

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Wanna hear a joke? Toyota

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What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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How do you kill a Russian? You shoot him with a gun.

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A man walks into a bar. Ow!

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released at a nearby park.

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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Why was the black man sad? People were frequently talking and whispering about his dark colouring behind his back. Also he had no legs.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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I've got the moobs like jagger.

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A women walks out of a kitchen.

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What did the college kids drink at the party? Soda. Alcohol is illegal for people under the age of 21 to consume.

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A baby seal walks into a club

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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This is not Will Smith.

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25

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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What's worse than listening to a teacher talk? This joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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