Your mom is so fat she should be concerned about her increased risk of heart failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head under water.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get when you multiply a trillion times a billion times a quintillion? A huge ass number.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you'd die? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a pole and freezes to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When life gives you lemons. You make beef stew. #andymilinokis

thumb_up thumb_down +10

An Italian, a black man, and a small child walk into a bar. Shortly after it blew up due to a gas leak. 67 people perished.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a brunette between two blonds? Probably their friend. How should I know?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

An Irishman stays home

thumb_up thumb_down +8

28

thumb_up thumb_down +8

husband : honey , can i have stuff candy wife : no husband : can i have milk and cookies wife : what kind of milk wink wink husband 2% you pervert

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why couldn't santa eat cookies and milk at little Jimmy's house? He has diabetes and is unable to stray from a strict diet prescribed by his local doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's funnier than Mexicans? Whats funny about Mexicans?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mom is such a slut that she has herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

sixty....eight.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do homeless people get for Christmas? Nothing, they are homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a pickle that is sad? A pickle!????

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the cow puke up his grass? Because it is necessary so that the cow can re-chew his food to aid with the digestion.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

¿Por qué seis de los siete miedo? ¡Porque siete ocho nueve!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? Because she was lost in her thoughts about her dead husband, and how much he loved orange juice.

thumb_up thumb_down

How did two Jews react when they saw a quarter on the sidewalk? They agreed to donate it to charity.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why didn't Dave buy his wife a watch for her birthday? Because she already had one.

thumb_up thumb_down

why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops