give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. It is a coincidence that none of them have the same hair colour.

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How do you beat Princess Diana in a car race? Challenge Princess Diana to a car race.

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint.

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Q:Whats worse than a dead baby in a barrel? A: 8 dead babies in a barrel. Q: Whats worse than that? A: A dead baby in 8 barrels.

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A little boy had a candle by his bedside. It fell over. The candle was fake, and it didn't burn down his house. When he woke up, he picked up the candle, put it back on his nightstand and had a wonderful day.

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. They all broke beyond repair.

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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A man walks into a boar. The tusked beast accepts his apology.

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Remember that part where Jesus gets angry at a fig three and kills it because it "was lazy" for refusing to grow figs at winter? Brother Jeez, that was kinda mean man! You know it was winter rite? Anti Joke or not, that part is funny, so if Jesus returns and wants you to make him a sammich you better go get that goddamn sammich!

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knock knock who's there i am dead i am dead who i am just dead u idiot!!!!!

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Why was the chicken sad Thanksgiving

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What did the girl say to her ex? Fuck you.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Open up.

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Suddenly a wild bunny appears ::::::::::::(:oI)

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Why was the drunk person arrested? He said to a police officer "I'm gay, so shut up you b****."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? Love and attention from his parents.

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What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? The black man is a human being with all of man's well-deserved rights, and the large pizza is an edible item. Furthermore, the black man, if adult and employed, has the propensity to feed a family of four far longer than a large pizza can.

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What do you call a black man driving an airplane? A pilot.

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You know what's gay?? Lesbians

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Your muma is so ugly she went to a ugly competition and got kicked out "no pros aloud".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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