Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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Yo momma so fat that they've diagnosed her with type 2 diabetes and she has an extremely elevated risk of heart disease. You should really encourage her to try and eat better and get more exercise.

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Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

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Two horses were discussing their racing records. The first said, "In my whole life I had won ten races." The second horse says, "Well, I've won twelve of those!" A greyhound trotting by chimes in, "Not bragging guys, but in my career, I've won twenty!" "Unbelievable!" exclaimed both horses. "It's a talking dog!"

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Why did the man fall off of his bike? Because he is a Sikh who was mistaken for a muslim after the events of 9/11. His neighbors for 5 years have turned on him and now are throwing rocks at him to alleviate their anger while he is biking to his minimum wage job as a janitor at the local burger king, trying to make money for a family that doesn't love him anymore

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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Why didn't Joey play with the other kids on the playground? Answer: He was dead

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Wife, "Wake up... i think there's someone in the house, do something... go downstairs and have a look!" Husband, "Do it yourself." Wife, "You what? You can't expect a woman to fight off an intruder..." Husband, "You women wanted equal rights so here you go, do it yourself."

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Your mamas so old. When she farted dust came out.

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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If a red house is made out of red bricks, and a blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is a green house made out of? Green bricks.

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So there was a guy in the middle of the street, how did he survive? ...He doesnt because he gets hit by a car becuase hes in the middle of the street...

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Q: What's so funny about medical records? A: You're not the one dying.

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Whats green and miss centowski hates a gas chamber :D lets be friends

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What happened to the girl that thought she was a mermaid? She drowned, humans can't breathe under water.

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Why didn't the jew spend his paycheck? He wanted to save money for the future

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Why did the little girl cry? Her mom died

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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My spelling is horrible

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A man walks into a bar, the bartender says had a bad day the man says yes... he orders 10 shots goes home and shoots his neighbors

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Why did the catholic preist take all the little boys out in the woods? They were going on a camping trip.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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