A sign at the drug rehab centre said keep off the grass. Jimmy thought it was a joke. So the groundskeeper chopped his legs off.

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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Q Why did the feminist cross the road? A To suck my dick

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Hello

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"Hey ask me if i'm fat" "Are you fat" "Leave me alone"

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Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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Why wasn't cacto at school that day. Because Silas gave him extreme butthole aids.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How did the Cuban get into Florida? Well he got his passport and other papers, flew in, then went to Customs.

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Why was 6 afraid of seven? It isn't numbers are not sentiment objects therefore incapable of feeling fear

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Q. Why did the man get an email? A. Because he checked his inbox.

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what's worse then the holocaust finding a worm in your apple.

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Why did the black man vote for Obama in the presidential election? Every person over the age of 21 has an open opinion to vote for the person of their choice to run as president for a 4-year term.

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth? A: Bricks.

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Why did the magician die when he tried to escape from the handcuffs underwater? Because he drowned and failed his magic trick.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Determined.

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An Englishman, a Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all stranded on a desert island. After several days spent utilizing the survival skills they had been taught in the Royal Navy, they were eventually evacuated by fellow sailors searching for them. As the only survivors, their stories were vital in preventing such shipwrecks in future.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I'm Schizophrenic And so am I.

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What do you say to the man break dancing?? You don't, call an ambulance he is having an epileptic fit.

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The man said to his wife love hurts. the wife then progressed with punching in the face.

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What is Blue, Pink, and Green, and sometimes sparkles when wet? Grass. I lied about the Blue and Pink to throw you off...because I can.

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How to you kill a pizza guy? Shoot him in the face.

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A thief walks into a bank. He has an account there and withdraws 200 bucks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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