Roses are red, Violets are dead, I climbed through your window, I'm under your bed

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Q. Why couldn't the blind black guy read. A. He's Dead

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Mary had a little lamb, The nurse and midwife fainted. Because last year she met a ram, And they got too acquainted.

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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What did the man say before he died? I am going to die.

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What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "come" on your face.

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Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

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What's black an blue and doesn't like sex? The 8year old in my trunk.

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Why can't a T-rex clap its hands? It's extinct.

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What is black and white and red all over? Zebra domestic violence isn't funny.

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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

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my friend got in a car wreck,he lost his left arm and left leg. how is he now? Hes all right.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Good job, son.

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Yo mama is so fat that her doctor advised her to get some exercise or risk developing a heart condition!

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why did the kid strike out in baseball he had leprosy and his arms were amputated

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? You shouldn't call him anything. He needs help. -Tag

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What's sad about this man who committed suicide? He forgot to return his rented DVDs.

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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If an oak tree falls in the woods, and the tree has 3 squirrel nest in them, then does a whale jizz in the ocean?

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Where did the two Jews ride when they got married? In the back of the oven.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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