Who has a higher pitched voice than the average man? A woman.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: 'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says: 'Someboby stole our tent.' Holmes and Watson look at each other, shrug and go back to sleep. At least the thief kept their blankets.

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Who let the dogs out? The dog's owner.

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Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Ask me if I am a Truck Are You a Truck No

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hey i just met you and this is crazy but here is my gun so get in the van

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Well, it all depends on the size of the bathtub.

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q: why won't the asian girl do anything? a: it's pretty hard to move or speak being gagged and tied up in my basement

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "You already had me chained to the bed. You didn't have to break both of my legs, Kathy Bates."

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What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

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What did the fat girl mean when she said, " last night was amaziing?" that pizza pie you shared was very well crafted and baked

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A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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Your mommas so stupid she decided to go to night school to better her self. She got a degree in business and finance and is now a manager for HSBC

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because ti was stapled to the chicken.

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dad said he had to drop the kids off at the pool what does that mean mom? honey it means dad has to take a shit beacuase shit looks like retarded black kids with down sydrome

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What did one pig say to the other pig while sitting in the bathtub? No thanks I already have a typewriter.

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What kind of movies do pirates like? They don't know, Somalia doesn't have much of a film industry.

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whats shaped like a tree. A tree.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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