What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are Red And sometimes yellow My mother is mellow I have terminal cancer. I also fisted my grandpa's anus last night

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar. In Syria. Dead children.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mom is so ugly she often finds it difficult attracting members of the other sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Three men were on a plane. Oh wait. You probably already heard this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock, Knock, Who's there? The IRS.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? That's the joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A dog was dying on the side of the road. I drove 50 meters ahead and saw it again. I was on shrooms.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why are anti-jokes so funny? Because you are expecting them to encompass one idea of irony, but instead sometimes give a logical explanation to the question.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: why did the white man buy a burge A: cuz he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what makes a knight in shining armor a knight in shining armor? he has to have armor and be a knight.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What is the difference between a pizza and ten dead babies? I dont have a pizza in my oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

a black guy walks into a bar and sits next to a white guy. White guy: "I don't like your kind here". Black guy: "what kind wound that be"? White guy: "the colored kind". The black guy turns away then looks back at the white guy and says", When I'm born I'm black, when I die I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, and when I'm sick I'm black. You ( to the white guy ) when your born your pink, when you die your blue, when your cold your purple, and when your sick your green and your calling me colored???

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock Knock! Who is there? Me. Let me in. Oh, okay, Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a gynochologist named John? John

thumb_up thumb_down -2

a black guy, mexican guy, and asian guy race to hop over a window. Who was the LAST one to hop it? the mexican because he had to clean it first.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why was the tricycle lonely? the mom back over the kid in the driveway.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

speacking of cheese... steve jobs died

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the baby fall off the swing? It had no arms or legs. Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because I kicked her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops