Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

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What did the the man, the dog, and the psychiatrist talk about? The man's childhood experience losing his pet as a contributer to his symptoms of psychosis.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go home and beat his wife

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cancer

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No smoking No eating No drinking On this bus Didn't say anything about sniffing

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What is mary short for? Mary had an accident with a semi-truck and had to get both of her legs amputated.

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What did the customer say to the waiter when he found a fly in his soup? Sorry to bother you on your break, but why didn't I get a fly in MY soup?

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Why couldn't the man get a job at the daycare? Because he was a serial killer/rapist.

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What did the paraplegic say when he walked? Nothing, paraplegics can't walk.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue I've just bought a chainsaw, and I will now decapitate you.

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What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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Why did the baby die? Lack of oxygenated blood to the brain.

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what does this mean: qiwiw98373jeu7e nothing significant, just shows the results of a mentaly disable student

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Why did the chicken cross the road? You reading another one of these again?

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A White, Black, Hispanic, and an Asian man are stranded on a deserted island. They become best friends, proving race should not be a divisive factor in any community.

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why were the niggas in paris? rhetorical question. everyone knows they aren't french

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

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What is the last thing to go through a flies head before it hits a windshield. Nothing because flies aren't capable if rational thought.

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Wally.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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