Roses are red Violets are blue... Violets are not blue they are actually purple

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There once was a man named bulagala moo moo boom chicka boom. Sometimes, when wipe the toilet tissue breaks and my fingers get all dirty. Good thing I have insurance!

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I shot a bitch.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, the orphanage did not have sufficient funds to give everyone a present because they did not want to how favoritism because the orphans are already sad enough and te orphanage does not want the orphans killing them selves

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How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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A boy and a girl are each granted a wish Girl: I want us to be lovers until the end of the world Boy: I want the world to end

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Q.whats the difference between a women's argument and a knife A. a knife has a point

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

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what has wheels and drives? a boat i lied about the wheels

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What's brown and sticky A stick

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5 Christians, 4 Arabs, 3 Jews, and a Monkey are locked in a room with sticky bombs, hand grenades, a bible, and some bananas. What do they do? play scrabble

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What's the difference between girl scouts and boy scouts? Girl scouts are usually females and boy scouts are usually males.

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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Justin Beiber walks into a bar. The bartender does not serve him because he is not the legal drinking age yet.

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Q: Were did the balls go? A: In the sack.

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Why was little Timmy afraid of his dentist? Because he was 10 foot scorpion.

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Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

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I insist, you go ahead. See you around. how about in four six hours?

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The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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Where's the soap?

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What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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