A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

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A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

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Guess what? What? You guessed correctly.

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Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A: A genetic aberration that is an insult to both God and man.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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I was going to tell a gay joke. But that would offensive

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A priest, a nun and an Irishman walk into a bar. The barman says 'what is this, a joke?'

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot.. You racist bastard.

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How do you get a dog to stop humping you? Pick him up and suck his dick.

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What does an Asian do in a library in his school? Write one of these.

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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A man walks into a bar. He bumps his head on the iron and has headaches for a week.

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Something other than a Human Being walks into a bar. The bartender then makes a rational decision about how to handle the situation.

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1 + 1 = 2 If it was equal to 11 the problem would be impossible

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You have small feet Do you know what small feet mean Small shoes

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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how do women get from the kitchen to the bedroom? they walk there.

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All dogs are mammals. All cats are mammals. Therefore, all dogs are cats.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your mum is dead, Just fucking with you! Kelvin Yang.

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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Why did the black man eat the fried chicken? He was hungry

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Knock, Knock, Who's there? The IRS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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