How did two Jews react when they saw a quarter on the sidewalk? They agreed to donate it to charity.

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q. whats worse than finding your girlfriend cheating on you a. the holocaust

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Why are Chinese people only allowed one child? Because their government states so.

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guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a finger And the middle ones for you

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What did the vegetarian eat for christmas? Food.

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Knock. Knock. No one is home. Okay.

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How did the man become sterilized? Blow-dart through the testicle.

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How do you escape from being enlisted in the army of your nation? Flee to a different country and bring along your valuables.

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what did the noob say to the gamer your a gamer nooob

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School means: Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives

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Why did sally fall off her swingset? Because she was hit with a refrigerator.

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how do you french braid? ask a french dude to braid your hair DUHH

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Religion

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an axe. -Tag

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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Why was the little boy's head so big? He had a tumor in his brain.

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Why did Sally go to McDonalds? Because she felt like it

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How do you kill a blonde? I don't. Murder is a crime.

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How you make a duck cry? Raping it. How you make it shut up? Killing it. Why did no one helped the duck? Because the duck has no friends.

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How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

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Why did the retard have no friends? Because somebody stitched his mouth and eyes shut so he couldn't be social.

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What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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