What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A boy and a girl are each granted a wish Girl: I want us to be lovers until the end of the world Boy: I want the world to end

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a blue bucket? A blue bucket. What do you call a red bucket? A blue bucket in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

yo mama is so dumb, she got all Fs on her report

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock Knock. Who's there? Your landlord your being evicted we need you out in 2 weeks.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A:Knock knock B:Who´s there? A:Beat B:Beat who? A:Beat your ass if you don´t open that door!!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Who cares its a chicken, it probably got hit by a car. Go to McDonalds and get a chicken sandwich there he is

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the old man die? He was old.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexic Association

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Theres a blonde and a brunette at a party. The redhead is left out because she has no soul.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why was a black man in a police car? He is a police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: why does the cat go out of the house by the window A: It doesn't the window is closed

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops