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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing becasue a mute is a person who cannot speak and a deaf man ould not hear the jumbled mumblings anyway.

How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No one, because a hollowed out pineapple carcass would not be able to last longer than a month in that high concentration of sodium.

A man walks off the top of a very tall building. Why did he fall off? Because he was blind

Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense!

What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener.

Why did the man give money to the Jew? Why would a man give money to a Jew?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was mentally retarded and didnt know any better.

How do you drown a blonde? A: Drowing any person no matter the color of their hair is conpletely illegal and considered murder.

a guy walked into a bar, ordered a drink, sipped it slowly thinking of his waisted youth. then he finished his drink and went home to his wife of 34 years

So a girl says "I want to be a banana when I grow up". She's set unrealistic goals and her parents fear she may be autistic.

Did u hear about the jew that bought something not on sale? Neither did i.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.

Knock, Knock, Who's there? The IRS.

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue.

Why wasn't 7 afraid of 6? Numbers are numbers and therefore incapable of feeling any emotion.

What is small, cries a lot, and moves at high speeds? A baby stapled to a car.

your momma's so stupid, she starved to death in a supermarket i probably would too...considering all the good shit needs to be cooked

Why can't black guys eat babby back ribs... Beacause They are black too

What rude names do you call a girl with no limbs? Anything you want they can't touch you

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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