"Doctor, Doctor, Help I feel like a pair of curtains" "I've got some cream for that".

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Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for two

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You: "Ask me if im an astronaut. " Them: "R u an astronaut?" You: "No. "

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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How do you kill a retard? you shoot him in the head

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An ant tries to climb and sit on a tube. It couldn't. Do you get it? … I don't either.

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Q: A Mexican and a Jew are at a race. Who get hit first? A: None of them because they're from a different religion.

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How do you kill Justin Beiber? By stabbing him 38 times in the chest.

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What did john say to bob Hey bob

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What is 6 1/2 inches when erected? My penis.

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Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

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What would you call the flinstones if they were black? Ni**gers

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What's black white and red all over? Steegers.

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Why did Suzy have burns on her face? Because her little brother attacked her with a hot curling iron thinking it was a lightsaber.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street I stepped on them both

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting stabbed.

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What do you call a black man driving a plane? You don't call it anything. You don't drive a plane you fly it.

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Canadians

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what has a hard shaft and an even harder head? A hammer

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Q: which is easier to unload a truck of dead babies or a truck of alove babies? A: dead babies cause u can use a pitchfork

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What is more black than a Nigerian marathon runner? The night sky

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Why did the man read the terms of service? He had ignored them before, and was forced into a scam where a shady organization took all of his money and possessions. With no other way to provide for his family, the man began selling drugs, which led to several arrests. He has been n prison for 3 years now... His wife has left him for one of the man's close friends

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You know what they say about priests with big rosaries? I don't know, it's in Latin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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