Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A. Why did the chicken cross the road? B. I don't know, why? A. I asked first.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a Bong Ki mad? Call him a Bong Ki.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was jewish and saw a nickel on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's more fucked up that the Bill Cosby rape accusations? Sam and Adele's shower time on a Wednesday night

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's blue and rhymes purple? Get Out

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I went out for a nice evening with my wife last week, and we kept getting dirty looks because I'm 42 and she's 19. I get that people are a little weird about that for whatever stupid reason, but it totally ruined our tenth anniversary.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Is it not a antijoke? When your granpa uncle or whatever used to pull out basically worthless coins out of your ears? And each time you wanted for him to drag out so many you can actually buy some bubblegum or something, the "stash" you where saving diminishes the moment you receive a new coin? Moral: Dont believe in yourself! Believe in me! Because I believe in you!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the horse say to the other horse? Nothing, they're both horses

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the girl have pink hair? because she died it purple, but it didn't work.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock Who's there? Jim Come on in!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the camel sad he wasnt, camels dont have feelings

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the chicken cross the road ? how else is he going to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Timmy's mom think of his art project? Nothing, she screamed and called an ambulance because she saw that he had tripped and fallin onto a pair of scissors and they just so happened to peirce his heart.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, violets are blue, suck my tip and call me Regi.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Doris need a hip replacement Because she fell down the stairs

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why can't a T-rex clap its hands? It's extinct.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

1st black guy: get a job 2nd black guy: i have one 1st black guy: okay

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you get we you mix a ginger with gasoline? A forest fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way. ernkso

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops