Alcoholic walks into a bar and then walks out because he promised his children and wife that he would straight out his life.

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What did Billy Mays eat for breakfast? nothing, he's dead.

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What is the difference between a black baby and a tractor? A tractor is heavy and a baby is not

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A child rides his bike down the sidewalk and stops at an intersection. He looks both ways, then crosses the road. What was he looking for? His family.

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Why can't Roger drive a tractor? Because Roger is a goldfish

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a registered sex offender.

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I like my coffee like I like my slaves... Free

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Why did the cab driver talk about the Holocaust? Because he began to shart his pants while singing pocket full of sunshine as a royal blue pancake swerved across the terrain.

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would you rather harry styles my dick have harry styles suck my dick or both of you style on my harry dick?

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Why did the kid drop his football? He had a heart attack

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what do call a car full of people on the side of the road? a cool explosion waiting to happen

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Why did the child not go to his mother's funeral? He was adopted, he didn't know his real mom.

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Why should you be scared when a black man asks you, "What are looking at?" Because if he is over the age of 18, he should know better than to end a sentence with a preposition, unless of course, he never had an education, in which case... you should probably run for your life.

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Q: What do you get when you put an ice cube, a grasshopper, a cell phone battery, and a human finger in a freezer? A: A very strange mix of objects indeed.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because KFC was hiring

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares?

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If I had a nickel for everyday I lived...... I would get a nickel a day

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How would a camel lick its own tongue It doesn't It actually gets karate chopped by Bob Sager.

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What animal wouldn't you want to play games with? Probably none of them. They are animals and incapable of playing board games.

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Why did the referee go to the zoo? He likes animals

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whats the same about a red crayon and a blue crayon? there both the same color except for the blue one

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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