What is worse than getting a cold ? Finding a dead baby in your mailbox

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist.

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A man walks into the bar and orders a drink. This is what you do in a bar.

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What's big fat and ugly? A monster

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

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I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean. I'm still addicted to heroin, though. No chance I'm ever giving that up.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Why was the little boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his forehead

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A manly man drives up in a yellow bug, What do the girls think? They think its very manly! (;

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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What's worse then the WNBA? Nickelback.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

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Whats the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? NBA players make more, have more fans, and play a real sport.

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Once upon a time, there was a cat. He died.

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If at first you don't succeed, go kill yourself

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Bob: Do you know the difference between beer and women? John: No Bob: Oh

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What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

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How do you hurt a clown? shoot it.

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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