Why did the little girl cry? She lives in Haiti.

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Your momma's so fat she ate oranges and coffe

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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I forgot to tell you something I forgot wat it was

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What's black and white and red all over? A blood-soaked zebra

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TIMMY

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

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Why can cats jump so high? Cats leg muscles are different then ours. They work kind of like springs that build up energy and then release suddenly. Its kind of like a budgie cord. This gives them the ability to jump so high. If humans were built the same way, they could easily jump up on a one-story roof.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

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A frog hops into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get you to drink?". The frog hops out and the bartender realizes he is talking to animals because he has anxiety issues and all of his friends leave him and he spends every night crying and waiting to be loved...so he shoots himself.

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"I see!" said the blind man, as he picked up a saw and hammer.

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand. The owner of the stand marveled at how close such an adorable duck was to him and proceeded to sell lemonade undisturbed.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Heroshima

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Q. What is a similarly between Jewa and Pizza. A. There both baked in a over

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Roses are wilting violets are wilting YOU HAD ONE JOB

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What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin My dick in your mouth.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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No

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one time at band camp there was a guy guess what he played? no one knows

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what is red, yellow, green, blue, purple, and violet? Blood i lied about the other colors...

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Obama Getting Re-Elected.

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Did I say twenty times? I meant two hundred, you already know this I gather, but your subconcious understands mathmatics and multiplications at a whole different level because its potential is indefinite.

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i have no friends actually now i fell bad ... anybody spare money for the bus ahhhhhhh kill me now

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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