A man walked into a bar. He was accused of being to drunk to drive so someone called a cab for him and he was forced to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Want to hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock knock Who's there It's a policeman informing you that your parents have been killed in a car crash. Your Dad, who has been struggling with substance abuse and depression, found out his wife had been cheating on him, and in a drunken rage, wrapped the car around a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock knock. Who's there? Josh. Lettuce who? I didn't say "lettuce"... I said Josh.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse didn't respond, because it's a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the fat guy ride his camel to the grocery store? Because he didn't want to walk to the grocery store

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a bunch of whiteguys running down a hill? An Avalanche What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill? A Mudslide What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill? A Jailbreak

thumb_up thumb_down -13

My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's red and black and looks good on a Jew? A bullet wound.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how do u stop a cat from peeing on the floor? Kill it... haha

thumb_up thumb_down -13

there once was a cat it was brown? fus-roh-dah

thumb_up thumb_down -13

whats brown and sticky? Doody

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how many terminaly ill 5 year old cancer patients does it take to burn to supply enough energy to make toast just 4.5 :)

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Maroon 5 to a bitch: Cross my heart and hope to die... wait why don't i just kill you bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many holes can you poke in my chest, When my chest is by far the best If you believe you can stab Then then grab a knife...that you can grab Skewer my breast Which lies on the best chest And you will discover A man under your covers Yes, keep on pokin' Poke my chest with the knife you are strokin' And then swallow a chode because you are stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

man:"gullible is written on the celling" boy looks up

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did Michael Jackson retire from basketball? Michael Jackson never played basketball, but was nonetheless one of the most successful musicians to ever live.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

someone tell england that a depressed guy smoking a cigarette is not a movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Whats more fun than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you do if you walk in on your wife atempting to hang herself in the living room? Ask her to leave the living room, as it would be ironic.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daffodils are yellow, Flowers come in lots of colours...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what do you call a man with no arms or legs? numerous abusive terms as you kickk him to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the straw say to the other straw? We are both straws just kidding they cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why did Sally keep falling off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops