Stick figure says to the artist "Can't you make it any bigger?" Artist:"No, I ran out of lead?"

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How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

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Did you hear about Billy's magic trick? No? Don't worry, it was a trick question.

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you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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Bill: My vagina is itchy. Tom: You don't have a vagina. It was later found out that bill had a sex change and did have an itchy vagina, due to an STI. He later died of cancer.

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What's long and black? A line at KFC.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. 97

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What did the little boy say to a stranger? Nothing. He is very shy, and his parents always said to never talk to strangers.

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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I have a phone, Don't know where it's at, Forever Alone FAPFAPFAP

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What's as hard as rock and as light as a feather? Any object in the space, once the lack of gravity makes atoms to have not weight, since mass x gravity equals to weight.

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Why is a duck? Because one leg is both the same.

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"Knock, Knock." "Who's There?" "Banana."

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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how many members of the australian greens party does it take to write legislation? none, it's already been done for them by Karl Marx

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Whats worse than finding a worm in a apple? Getting raped by a skorpian

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootise pop? No, seriously, does anyone know?

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What's the difference between Jews and pizza? One is an adherent to the religion of Judaism, and the other is a doughy bread topped with tomato sauce and cheese. They share virtually no similarities.

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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How man people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 an electrician

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why are crocodiles so angry? because they have a lot of teeth but no tooth brush?

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do you have snow in your vagina? because i am going to plow you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops